I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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