We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
