but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Hippo gnu deer
You took a bar mat shot.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
