do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
