I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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