if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
