Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
