thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
