I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
