I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
