I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
