I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
