I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
