how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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