Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
