the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
