So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
