Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
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