Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
