i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
