seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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