the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
its liver damage thursday
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
