how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
