forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
