i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
