apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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