I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
