That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
