i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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