News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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