Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
