i was born a porn star she said
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
