that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
