apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
