Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
