It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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