I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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