She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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