I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
