He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
