i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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