Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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