gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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