Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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