She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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