hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
