I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize