you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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