is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
