I wanna bring you to show and tell
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
