my being single is dangerous.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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