Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
