Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
