I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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