She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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