im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
